I love black thongs
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Life is so much better after having sex.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
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