My girlfriend figured out who you are.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
