just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
