shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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