You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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