Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
