So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
