Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
