Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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