I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
