Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
