I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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