So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
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