I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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