i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I need water and some morals
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
