When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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