It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
