I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
then he tried to convert me to islam
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Randomize
