I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
