Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
