I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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