Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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