You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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