and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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