I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
it's great music for shaving your balls
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
