wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
