I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
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