You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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