So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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