halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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