so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Couch. On fire.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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