i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
