I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
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