Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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