A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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