Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
they're like a gay fantastic four
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
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