with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
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can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
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I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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