theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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