I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
