well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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