I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
