You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
i will never coherently bang her
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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