The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
