I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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