Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
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