After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Randomize
