So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
