Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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