ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
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Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
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If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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