Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
