I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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