i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Randomize
