Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
