One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
