Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
