we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Randomize
