At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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