omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
