Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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