I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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