Say something about gay babies.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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