why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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