just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
