my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Randomize
