Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
