Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
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i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
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My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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