When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
