remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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