So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
