Define "chronic" masturbator.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
