How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
