Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
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