i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
