a queef is a wish your heart makes.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
