remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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