That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
