so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
