dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Randomize
